Summer Change

6:20 AM

It's summer. Still.
Don't get me wrong, I love the summertime. The ten-month anticipation for outrageous heat fuels my year, but quite frankly, it's getting stagnant.

It's been a hot one.  An unusually hot one and I feel guilty saying this, knowing in three months I'll be shivering in my boots, but I'm ready for the summer send-off.
Oh hi, scarves and aviators. Jeans. Oh lovely, perfect-fit, wonderful wonderful wonderful jeans. Beautiful fall colors and hot apple cider. Homecoming and a fresh new academic year.
A few months ago, I was sadly lamenting that this is the first year since 1993 that I won't be returning to a school campus come September. I walked through the aisles at Target, touching all the new backpacks and imagining myself picking out pens and notebooks and clean index cards. I joyfully remembered literally sprinting across campus in October, crunching over red, purple and yellow leaves while clutching a just-in-time paper for class. I missed that already, in July.
Well, I got a job and it happens to be on a college campus and suddenly I'm all antsy-pants for August. I'm so ready for athletes to start trickling in and new freshman to appear, lugging boxes containing their entire life from the back of Mom and Dad's SUV. I'm ready for weepy parents to wave frantically from car windows. I'm ready for those kids to sigh happily and step into the shoes of independence. I remember myself as a newbie college student and I love seeing that blissful face on kids who know they are taking charge of their future today.
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It's a quiet weekend. The first one in a while. It might be the first Saturday since June that I am waking up in my own home and it felt so good. Lazy, I guess. I set my coffee maker an hour later last night and rested easily knowing I could sleep in as much as I wanted. There is no rush to get out and do stuff. There is no little girl waking up at the crack of dawn whispering in my ear, "hey, hey Aunt Jenn. Are you awake? "Cause I'm awake. Wanna play?"
Just me, the dogs and Ryan today and we're all lazy this morning.
Change feels good. It feels really good.

I remember when I was, hm, maybe twenty or so, I dyed my hair red. Fabulous, auburn red. I loved it, but I loved it most because it felt so good to switch it up. I remember thinking to myself, how can anyone be excited today if they haven't done anything to change. Eventually I went back to blonde, after a brief and tearful meeting with orange, but only when it felt good to change again.
I sometimes wonder if even if I had fun all day every day, would I crave a new flavor eventually? Even if meant that maybe I wouldn't be having fun non-stop?
 I love summer, crave it, wait for it, count it down, dream about it...but it happens every year. Come August and I'm ready for something new. Something with chilly nights and bonfires. I'm ready to coast into the holidays even if it garuantees freezing temperatures. I need the release, the ebb and flow of the seasons to guide my excitement for something new. Come January, I'll be sobbing in my layers and dreaming about wearing paper-thin tees and flip-flops.

Summer is winding down and I'm ready for it. I'm encouraging it. It's the ebb and flow and I like it.
I will, however, miss the golden light of a good summer evening. There's really nothing like it, is there?

Especially on the freshly painted tootsies of a little girl who will be a year older when the summer comes along again.

This is the summer we'll never get back, but that's okay. We spent it well. I'll enjoy it to the finish, but man oh man, I'm ready for a little change.

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