Everything in Time

8:03 AM

I have been without my Opa for a whole week now.
An entire week has passed. Where does time go?

I wore black all week. I really did. Then today, this morning, I strugged because I finally ran out of black things to wear and I had this blinding panic -- if I don't wear black, does it mean I don't miss him anymore?

I can still hear his favorite music piping through the vents of the house on Sunday morning. And I can feel his hand, tapping my knee, before covertly pushing church candy into my palm. I can close my eyes and hear him praying at the dinner table, his strong, authoratative voice -- so consistant, I can mentally produce the same inflections in all the same spots based on memory alone.

I miss him.

*****

A little more than a week ago, I had planned a new post for this little blog. A happier post. A we-got-engaged post.

Everything in time.

Five years ago, I walked into a pizza joint, aiming to do little more than enjoy a slice with my sister. I sat down next to her, mindlessly greeted her two friends, and then, largely ignored them both.

That night, I ignored my future husband.

We met again, a few weeks later, at a local Halloween attraction.
It's hardly a fairy-tale love story, but it does end in happily ever after.

On the night my Opa died, I told him that I am planning to get married.
Everything in time.


It's a strange series of events. In the same week, I committed to marrying the man whom my soul loves and I lost the first man who ever loved me. Two Thursdays ago, my Opa told me the story of the first time he ever held me in his arms -- that summer day in 1988, under the flourescent lights of a tiny room in Blodgett Hospital. Excepting the doctor, of course, he was the first man to hold me. He was the first man to protect me and  love me. He had no obligation -- he just did. He just loved.

Just days before my Opa passed away, the man I chose made a very concious decision to do the same forever - hold, protect and love. In the same week, I lost the first man, but then, Ryan simultaneously became the only man and committed to being the last man.





Everything in time.

**these REMARKABLE pictures were taken by our good friend, Cherie Rivera**

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